Monday, April 6, 2009

Self Realization

I'm disappointed.

I'm upset.

I'm feeling down.

I don't know what to say.

I didn't get to be selected as the organising committee for Interaction Week, one of the UM Accounting Club activity.

It has been my dream to join this event and be part of the OC. But...

I failed. I was only chosen to be the FC, the facilitator for juniors.

What else should I say?

I can only blame myself.

I didn't perform well during the interview and I also didn't perform well for the past activity that I've joined, Accounting Camp. I didn't give 100% commitment and I think this is one of the reasons.

Maybe I'm not good enough.

Lack of skills and leadership.

I thought I was better than many people in terms or organising activities and taking the lead because of my past experiences.

But it is not the way. Becoming leader and president during secondary and high school is totally different from university.

The job is harder. The commitment is more. The responsibility is higher.

Sometimes I asked myself, "Why can't I be fully committed to the activities that I've joined and the post that I've hold?"

I wasn't like that during secondary and high school. I can sacrifice a lot for the things I joined. I can skip my class, stay back till late in the evening, sacrifice most of my time just for the activities that I was involved in. I have the sense of belonging there. I know where I stood and I know what was my responsibility.

But now after almost a year spent in university, I can't give 100% commitment to what I've joined just like during secondary and high school. WHY?

Is it because I don't feel the sense of belonging? Is it because I don't really like what I've joined? Is it because I didn't adapt well to this new environment? Is it because I'm just not a good leader?

I want to gain back the glory I have had during my life in secondary and high school.

I want to be a good leader and also a good follower.

I thought I am good, but there are others who are better than me.

I'm just nothing.

It is my fault for not getting the post I want.

I still have to learn a lot.

Learning non-stop...

Throughout my life...

7 comments:

hwei said...

university activities require a substantial amount of popularity also. sometimes artificial and superficial popularity - sacrificing what you stand for, for that post. if you're rejected, it's highly likely that it's not because you're not capable enough.

Stefienoki said...

thx for the advice.. somehow i think u r right... but somehow i really feel that i didn't perform well lo... but nvm la.. i will improve next time...^^

Unknown said...

hey, don't say that bout urself. U r good, and I was very surprised u did not get OC. i think ur friend hwei has a very good point there. but, being an FC is very good as well..actually, i feel the same way as u do, having more commitment in secondary school and all..here, just feel so tiny..but same as u, I'm also trying to improve

Stefienoki said...

michelle: thx for the compliment... i understand ur point regarding my fren's point... haha... anyway, i'm fine d... =)

Anastasya Hong@Kylie said...

wei is right..its totally different during high school and U....

don't worry..look at the bright side...like u say, things happen for a reason..

Anastasya Hong@Kylie said...

and we are not able to skip classes in U like we used too back in school..

u know what i mean..

Stefienoki said...

sya: haha... yeah, yeah... i know what you mean... =P... i dont really like skipping class though...