Another part of my brother...

I chatted with my brother again yesterday. And I found out that actually he has another serious part of himself, which I don't realize all this while.

Kor: Just like I like to play game, but it does not mean my life is dead without game. Just like you also, you like to sing and perhaps dance. But it does not mean ur life will be nothing without them. It is up to us to define how we live our lives and how it mean to us. It not about materialistic thing that you can gain in the world.

Me: so ur 1st priority is?

Kor: more time for myself

Me: ur meaning of more time for urself is? more time for urself to do smtg that u like?

Kor: nope. more time for me to understand myself. all this while, I have been studying. Been going through life. But I dunno anything about it. Is that wat I really want? i dun think so. cause I feel heavy doing this kind of things.

Me: u r reaching the state of self realization...

Kor: u see life in a bigger picture lar. U see those millionaires. they earn so much. can afford big house, big cars. but then are they really happy? then u look around us lar. People like our cousin..... working so hard. earn so little. but he somehow..... see his life has more meaning than any others. he seems happier, more contented. what kind of logic is this? the more educated people, the richer people, are more not happy than an ordinary person who travels day and night, sweating more than anyone else. where is the logic? there is more to life than just securing a better future. it is one thing, but not the main thing.

Me: i know what u trying to mean. in the end, happiness and contentment is the important thing in life. but different people hv different way for them to search or gain their happiness. for u, u need more time to understand urself. i think u r wondering wat is the purpose for u living in this world.

Kor: something like that but not like that also

Me: so u r still in the state of doubtfulness. not really purpose but is more to "self-realization". i know wat u trying to say when u give that examples... actually happiness is defined differently by everyone so it all depends on how we look at it... os how each one wanted to live his/her life that satisfy them... not necessarily rich ppl = not happy, poorer ppl= happier. in the end it still depends on how they measure life.

Kor: dunno still in doubt cause I realize, we are born to this world to die.

Me: we r not born to die, but we born to live and fated to die

Kor: we are living in the time frame from when we are born to when we will die. so, wat is there in life that we are supposed to do if the final destination is still dead.

Me: that's y u r doubtful about living in this life. becoz u dunno why u need to live and die. u don hv a purpose for living. u don know y u r here in the 1st place. and this made u wanting to know more. but to just have more time for urself to understand urself is not enuf. coz in the end u would still don understand. u need to search. search for what, i cannot tell u.. coz it depends on urself. u need to seek for that "thing" that can make u realize what is life all about.

Kor: ya, and i realize good grade and good cert and good salaried job is not the thing. so, cancel those out, I have less to see.

Me: i know. sometimes searching for that "something" not necessarily means material thing. it can be intangible. it might be an aim, target or purpose... or watever it can be...

Kor: ya. so, searching...

Me: how long have u been searching or how long have u been thinking this way, since young?

Kor: since after form 5. After I get straight A's for SPM. then I look around me..... I realize..... my life is not happier than all the others who fail.....

Me: wow.... very long.... it has been 6 years... i think u r somehow lost. u need guidance. u try read stuff on buddhism and christianity. i think u can find smtg from both.

Kor: dun need

Me: u wud hv hard time searching. bcoz u dunno how and where to start. 6 years already. is not a short period.

Kor: lol. dun be so serious about it.....

Me: jz now u talked until very serious

Kor: I also dun really care one. well.... even if I wonder..... when I cannot get it, I won't really bother that long either. but then just that from times to times, I will still think about it.

Me: actually is good to think about it... coz with it, u wont be sticked to other "not so important" things in life which sometimes can make ppl go out of mind and even out of control... and lost humanity...

Kor: well.... ur brother is sane

Me: i know la... haha

Kor: the only weakness ur bro has is weak-willed and weak-hearted

Me: weak-willed and weak-hearted.... i think they are caused by the "care-less" attitude u hv

Kor: ya so, too bad


Somehow I feel my brother and I have some similarities in thoughts. And I've never thought that he (a not serious guy) would think this way. Understanding really needs communication.