I'm too demanding!

My feeling is complicated.

I'm not sad. I'm not happy.

I'm not disappointed. I'm not glad.

I don't know how to describe this feeling. It's weird........................

I applied for a post as Production Head in Dayao. But this post somehow required talent in music. I know I'm not very talented compared to others or maybe no talent at all. So the probability of me getting this post is low. And I have expected the outcome.

Then, they asked if I would like to take over the job as President for this event. My gosh!!! I never even thought of it. I feel it's such a big event that I would not want to hold such a big responsibility.

So, I rejected. Then, they said want to put me as Protocol Head, (-_-)''' which is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy OUT of my expectation. So, I declined again.

It's not that I'm choosy or fussy. I just have my own reasons and principles. For me, if I join any activities and hold any post, I must have passion for it and like it. Then only I'm willing to sacrifice fully for it. Just like what I did during secondary school and high school. The love, passion and the sense of belonging made me wanna sacrifice, contibute and be committed to it.

In this case, I like Dayao as it creates opportunity for music lovers and dancers to perform on stage and for others to enjoy the performance. Of course during the whole preparation for this event, it was very enjoyable.

I have passion for Dayao, but not the posts that were offered to me. I only wanted Production because I know I can learn a lot from here. So, if I don't get it, I would rather be a normal member and contribute to Dayao.

But by becoming normal member also means that I can't learn much as compared to if I hold something.

That's why my feeling is complicated.

But after talking with my brother, I feel much more relief. In fact, back to normal-happy mode. I just don't know why my brother always seem to have his way of talking that somehow made me feel comfortable. Or maybe I respect him a lot and this makes me feel that whatever he says is somehow right/true. Whatever it is, he is the only person that I feel really comfortable when talking to although sometimes he can be very "care-less". This is what he told me:

Pozan - In Singapore says (12:53 AM):
If I were you heck care

Pozan - In Singapore says (12:54 AM):
dun be anything
live an free an easy life
for wanting something that you cannot achieve in life it will make your heart miserable only
live with what you have and be contented with it
that's what people define as happiness and peace from within

The last phrase made me feel like my brother is a philosopher... Haha... But he is not la... He is someone who thinks deeply... very deeply... that makes him look mature than most of the older aged people. Giving good advice... about Life.