What did I want to write in the first place?

I already forgotten once I reached the [New Post] page.

Arrrggghhhhhhhhh........

I'm old. Forgetting things fast.

Seems like my chinese has improved...

原来我从来没有忘记过他。都已经过了那么久，到底这达标什么呢？我自己也不清楚这是什么感觉。想念？好久不见？关心朋友？还是爱？

但是有没有他，我的日子还是过得很开心。为何还要想那么多呢？

真是让自己辛苦而以。

人要向前走。我也一样。所以不要再看会过去。应为过去已成了回忆。

我答应我自己要活得更好的。And I will.

Header

My friends have been complaining that my blog is very dull and has never changed any new image before. So now I've changed my header. Though it doesn't bring much effect, but at least it is a new one. I will change template once I found a suitable one. That's all for now. 3 more papers to go. Then I'm free!!! Hooray!!!

Choices

For friends or for dreams?

Kono Aozora ni Yakusoku wo

Another anime that I have finished watching for this week! The title for this anime is as what is written for this post's title. In translation, it means "The Promise I Made Over This Blue Sky". Sounds meaningful huh? Indeed, it is.

The main focus of this anime is on FRIENDSHIP. It tells the tales of 6 best friends and a teacher who stayed together in Tsugumi Dormitory. The strength of the friendship they hold for each other is so strong that it makes them feel like a family. A family that can't go on without each other.

The main character here is Wataru Hoshino and the story reflects on each one of them, their lives and how they encountered him. For the first few episodes, the show might be a little boring but the climax is at the end! When you've finished watching all, you'd know exactly what the director is trying to bring out. You can check it out from here.

Upon watching it, reflection appeared. Reflection on myself, my life. The friendship they have is the one I always long for. It's a friendship that will last forever. And friends that can always be together, never apart. Friends who commit themselves to this relationship and doing their best to maintain it.

But it shows the reality too. That one day, someday, no matter when or where, we have to leave... waving goodbyes to each other and moving forward. Some may remain staying in the same place, some may not. But one thing for sure, there is not a single person who will remain static at the origin point.

I admit that to be able to move forward is good. But not to be able to maintain a friendship is sad. It makes me cry thinking of it. I have best friends whom I really love and we play our part well to maintain the relationship. Nonetheless, I also have friends who were once very close, but didn't try to maintain the bond we have had. This saddens me. Really. No matter how hard I tried, it just didn't work out.

I strongly admire the characters in this anime, the promises they made for each other even if they are to be apart, going their own directions. But life is life. It's reality and it's never perfect.

~FRIENDSHIP: I TRULY CHERISH~

Myself; Yourself

Recently I'm obsessed with anime again! What do I mean by "again"? Yep. I love watching anime ever since I was in secondary school. I still remember at that time I used to have this channel called "Animax" in Astro and I would never fail to watch it everyday. But later due to changes in subscription package, this channel no longer available. =(

Since then, I hardly get to watch anime anymore. Another reason was that I was busy with government examination, school activities and didn't have internet connection back then to download. Thus, it slowly faded away from my life.

Despite that, I still love it until now. And recently, maybe I'm kinda stressed preparing for finals, I browsed through Crunchyroll (an anime website) to search for nice anime to watch. And guess what? I found one!

The title is "Myself; Yourself". I didn't know what the story line was about but the title just attracted me to watch it. So I gave it a chance. It turns out to be nice! =)

This story revolves around a group of 5 best friends who knew each other since elementary school. It shows the journeys they are going through as they grow. It's a more realistic show which reflects a lot on our daily lives. No doubt, I highly recommend it!

This anime is short though, only 13 episodes. But it's worth to watch. Better than those anime which is too idealistic. Here are the links for this anime:

1-1, 1-2, 1-3

2-1, 2-2, 2-3

3-1, 3-2, 3-3

4-1, 4-2, 4-3

5-1, 5-2, 5-3

6-1, 6-2, 6-3

7-1, 7-2, 7-3

8-1, 8-2, 8-3

9-1, 9-2, 9-3

10-1, 10-2, 10-3

11-1, 11-2, 11-3

12-1, 12-2, 12-3

13-1, 13-2, 13-3

Hope you'd enjoy it! ^^

Half Day Outing

This morning I went to Sunway Pyramid with my friends to support one of our friends who managed to make it to the top 15 of Astro Talent Quest 2010. Woohoo!!! Congratulations!!!

I know, I know... It's study week and we are supposed to stay in room to study, study and study... But I just wished to get out of UM and leave studies life for a moment. And since my friend was running a publicity show for Astro Talent Quest top 15 (what a coincidence... hehe...), I allowed myself to use this reason to curi tulang. =p

Our friend: Sam Wong *Support him ya!!*

The Top 15 Contestants

Of course, since we were out already, we didn't waste the outing and treated ourselves with good food!! *Better food, better brain.* We went to FULLHOUSE after the show. *HAPPY* ^^

From left: Grace, Stef, Yap, Li Peng

After exam, I must travel, travel, travel!!! Although Sabah trip isn't successful due to some reasons, at least if I can get to visit some nice places nearby would be good enough!

The must-do-list:

1) Visit Broga Hill and Bukit Tinggi

2) Movie marathon

3) Shopping (thinking to change style)

4) Sing KTV

5) Go Sunway Lagoon

6) Go Muar to hunt for food

7) Master chinese language (reading & writing)

My dream-list:

1) Master a musical instrument (maybe guitar)

2) Sing, sing, sing and sing!! (voice training)

3) Have my own band

4) Perform in PTUM and DAYAO be it dancing, singing or acting

6) Join modelling

Maybe some of you might think that I have big dreams and the possibility to become true is low. But who doesn't have dreams? Only dreams will ignite our passion to drive towards its achievement. Nothing is impossible if one has the will. So dare to dream!

I Love Her!!!

Suddenly have the urge to design photos of Stefanie. She's soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo pretty!!!!!!!!!!!! Looks like my madness for her has come back again. Haha...

Sun Yan Zi

I got to find out this song from Yan Zi's fans group. It's worth listening to. Her voice is so nice!!! In case you don't know, I'm a big fan of hers. Haven't heard from her for so long d... I miss her voice. She has not been releasing any album since her last one which was like years ago. I miss her...

A Place In This World

This song raises out what's actually in my mind! Nice!

I don't know what I want, so don't ask me
Cause I'm still trying to figure it out
Don't know what's down this road, I'm just walking
Trying to see through the rain coming down
Even though I'm not the only one
Who feels the way I do

[Chorus:]

I'm alone, on my own, and that's all I know
I'll be strong, I'll be wrong, oh but life goes on
I'm just a girl, trying to find a place in
This world

Got the radio on, my old blue jeans
And I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve
Feeling lucky today, got the sunshine
Could you tell me what more do I need
And tomorrow's just a mystery, oh yeah
But that's ok

[Repeat Chorus]

Maybe I'm just a girl on a mission
But I'm ready to fly

[Repeat Chorus]

Benevolent Creator

Insane

Yaya... I know whenever I'm stressed, I would post many posts in my blog. Please bear with me. You can ignore those posts if you want. =p

So, what am I up to? Nothing.

It's funny when I want to write something but I have nothing to write actually.

But I just want to write.

It feels like writing has been part of me. Inseparable.

I guess I'm just too stressed up that I simply write anything here.

OKOK... I shall leave for now. Must really study d...

Another Recommended Song

Just found out this song and I think it's nice. Its music arrangement blends well with the melody and lyrics.

All this time I was wasting
Hoping you would come around
I've been giving out chances every time
And all you do is let me down

And it's taking me this long
Baby but I figured you out
And you're thinking we'll be fine again
But not this time around

You don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can say that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, no, no

Looking so innocent
I might believe you if I didn't know
Could've loved you all my life
If you hadn't left me waiting in the cold

And you got your share of secrets
And I'm tired of being last to know
And now you're asking me to listen
Cause it's worked each time before

But you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don't wanna hurt anymore

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, oh
You're not sorry, no, no, oh

You had me falling for you honey
And it never would've gone away, no
You used to shine so bright
But I watched all of it fade

So you don't have to call anymore
I won't pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There's nothing left to beg for

And you can tell me that you're sorry
But I don't believe you baby
Like I did before
You're not sorry, no, no, oh
You're not sorry, no, no, oh
No, oh, no, oh, no oh
Whoa, no, no

Answer?

If someone rather goes out to celebrate birthday with a not-so-close friend than going out with you for dinner (on different days) and your relationship with that someone is not just normal friends, what does this imply?

Random Updates

Feels like years since I last updated my blog. Anyway, here is just a brief update. I went back home last weekend and I had a great time hanging out with my friends and family for movies, outing and drinks. Here are the movies I watched:

I would not say that these 2 movies are very nice but it is quite interesting and funny at certain scenes. So my money wasn't wasted. Haha...

I found out that I eat a lot every time I go back home. In conclusion, Malacca has nicer food compared to KL (based on my own taste). Finals is in 9 days time and I haven't started anything at all!! Gosh! Study mood has been flying here and there, I must catch it back now.

That's all for now, friends... Sayonara!

I'm curious...

...actually what's in her mind???

It's so hard to understand you...

It's so hard to know what you're thinking...

It's so hard to get you to talk to me about your problems...

It's so hard to find out what's happening to you...

It's so hard to know what am I to you...

It's so hard to know what you want from me...

When you were around, I pretended that I didn't see you, didn't care about you and didn't even talk to you.

But when you were not around, I kept looking for you, kept thinking of you and wondered where you'd have gone and wished you could be by my side.

Can someone tell me why am I behaving like this? I'm so confused.

The world is still a beautiful place! =)

My Confession

When I'm down or emo, I usually would browse through my FB friends' list to see who's online so that I could find someone to chat with. Whenever this person is online, he would always be the 1st person in my mind to approach. I don't know why but he has the power/ability which I feel that when I talk to him, I would feel better.

He is a mature person, I would say. With wide vision. And some wisdom. He can observe people and know that person's thoughts or personality well. And perhaps he is the first person who can uncover my weaknesses which I've been trying to hide from everyone all this while.

And to avoid misunderstanding by my friend (he'd thought I like him -_-'''), I would state the initial of this person whom I mentioned above. He's TCT. To a certain extend, I admire his ability to connect with many people. He has wide networking. At the same time, I admire his brain. If I had the chance, I would want to operate his brain to see how it functions. LOL...

Enough of introduction of him. Let's get back to the main point. Yup. He sees through my weakness. I wouldn't hide it any more. I admit that I look tough on the outside but I'm fragile on the inside. I'm weak. Very weak. Even weaker than some young kids I guess.

When I was young, I shed tears easily. I dislike myself for being so weak. Even until now, I do shed tears easily but only for extreme sadness or disappointment. Crying can be relieving. He sees that I always trying to be tough/super woman and yet deep down inside me, I need someone to rely on. He knows I need. He thinks I need. The fact is, I really need.

I lost to him this time. He can see behind my mask, the fragile heart I'm trying to cover. It has been broken once. Although it is fully healed now, it is no longer perfect. It is not the original heart that it used to be any more. This is the thing that I'm always protecting.

But it seems that I couldn't protect it well. It has some cracks now. And I'm doing my best to mend it. To fix it. To paste it. To glue it. Whatever you can think of. I'm now at the lowest level of a ferris wheel.

But it will turn up soon and reach the highest level. I will recover very fast. Sometimes I'm just being emotional. But when rationality returns home, I will be fine. Rationality sometimes needs to go out and have a walk. But it will always come back home.

Friends, don't worry. I'm fine.

不知不觉，我已经爱上你了。

但，友情与爱情，我选择友情。

我不会避开你。

我不会难过，也不会伤心。

只是偶尔心会通。

但是我会勇敢的面对你。坚强的走下去。

因为我不想失去你。

如果可以选择，我宁愿选择不认识爱。

Changes In Me

I realized that I have 2 main weaknesses and my friends did pinpoint me as well. First, easily beaten by the feeling of "giving up" half way through the projects. Second, stubborn/hard-hearted.

These 2 bad habits I should say, is something that I MUST CHANGE! When I'm stress or ill, I tend to give up easily on the projects which I hold posts. But every time when I said I wanted to quit, it ended up that I didn't. Instead, I continued and performed my best for the project. Reason --> My friends' encouragement. Although I didn't quit, but having the feeling of giving up and saying it out to the committee is a wrongful act to me. I actually feel very guilty for behaving this way.

The way I talk is also a problematic attitude of mine. I usually talk in a 'hard/harsh' way. Sometimes, I would indirectly hurt people's feeling without realizing it. My friends have advised me to talk gently before. Even if I disagree with something/someone, I must say it in a polite manner.

I know I need to change these 2 bad habits. And I'm learning to change now. It's not easy to change a habit which has been with me for so long. But I know I can do it. And I MUST DO IT!

For the better me!

P/S: To my friends and family, sorry if I've been harsh on you and disappoint you throughout all these years. And thanks for being patient with me and stay with me for so long.

This is how I'm feeling now...

Have you ever come across this situation?

Have you ever felt this way?

What does it mean by this?

Is this love?

I look at many people and always smile for no reason. Haha!!!

Specially written for you...

I've made a very important decision yesterday morning. Without thinking much, I agreed to help my friend in his project. Although I have not much obligation in the coming semester besides studies and grab the chances to perform on stage, still I would need to manage my time as the credit hours I'm going to take will increase.

I don't know what makes me agreed to help him without even considering it. Maybe as a friend, I really don't wish to see him suffer. As a friend, I wish I could help him carry part of his burden. Maybe I just love the family that was created through this project.

Whatever reason it is, I never regret making this choice. He's very, very grateful and thankful to me. For the first time, I saw him so polite saying "Thank You" to me. I was a bit surprised actually. Later, he sent me a message to express his gratitude again. Haha...

The truth is, I should thank him. Thank him for trusting me. Thank him for coming into my life and made me feel that university life ain't that bad after all. I don't know since when and how we became close friend. But he's indeed a worthy friend to have.

P/S: If you're reading this post, you know who you are. ^^

Just to share something that's in my mind...

Can I "survive" living with my coursemates for the last 2 years of my degree education? I have never liked to stay with coursemates because I don't want to have any conflict between us. For the first 2 years in UM, I've been staying with my current roommates, who are from different faculty and course.

It's better this way in a sense that there'll be less conflict when it comes to work/studies matter. I know my personality traits as well as my coursemates. That's why staying together is risky. I believe friends can only be good friends when they have one thing in common (doing only one same thing at a time). But when we have to work together for many things be it projects, activities, assignments, and so on, more or less there would be some disagreements. I dislike this kind of feeling when it happens.

I really hope I can adapt myself well in the new environment.

A Good Companion

I realized what I really need is companion. Not love. All this while I thought I need a partner. But actually not. Friends and family are good companions. Why people in this world need to have partners? Why people need to get married? Different people have different reasons.

As for me, a good companion is important. They can be comprised of friends, family or partner. At this stage, friends and family are the best companions. Just a simple outing, watching movie, or having a drink is good enough.

Last Saturday I went back home. I met up with one of my secondary school friends and we went out for movie and then a drink in a cafe. The feeling was great! ^^ Although we have not met for quite a long time, we still have lots of things to talk about and share. At first I was quite worried that there might be a moment of silence between us. Luckily, it didn't happen.

It was nice to hang out with her. Hope I will more chances to hang out with her later on in life. =)

Hold On

When you feel like the whole world is going upside down...

When you feel like letting go...

When you feel like giving up...

When you feel like there's no hope...

When you don't feel like living anymore...

Listen to this song!