It’s the same old feeling again. Emptiness.

到底我缺少了什么？

找了好久却不知道在找什么。

走着走着又回到了原点。

没有特别的伤心也没有特别的开心。

就觉得脑袋一片空白。

心很空所以也没什么感觉了。

已经麻木了。

Are you sure?

Doubtfulness.

Critical Decision

Standing in the middle of the road where there are a few paths to choose. I feel indecisive. This choice is critical. It can determine and change my whole life. I don’t want to make the wrong choice and ended up ruining my own life. The destination point of these paths are unclear to me. That’s why it’s hard to decide. If I don’t set my mind clear now, I’d be going somewhere where I don’t wish to go and there’s no turning back. Who can guide me?

Fool

And again, I feel like I’m the stupidest person in this world! I’ve banged the wall once. I knew it. But still I banged the same wall again! Foolish me! How many times do you want to hurt yourself?? Are you blind? I know I’m not blind. I’m just plain stupid!

This month...

is definitely not a good month. Received 2 bad news for 2 weeks consecutively. 2 of my friends' fathers passed away. I'm numb.

空虚

怎么了？不应该有这样的感受。为何它又来了？我到底缺少了什么？钱？时间？爱？朋友？我真的不知道。已经习惯忙碌的生活。突然一静下来了，就觉得不自在。爱跑的我，也突然觉得不想往外跑了。连身边的几个好友都不是很想见。除了家人，真的没什么人会关心我了。连好朋友都没有。朋友可以再找。可是家人只有那么一个。是没有别人可以取代的。

For the first time…

I don’t feel excited at all…

When I looked into the mirror, I don’t recognize this person at all…

I don’t feel like doing anything except being unconscious…

Is not full yet…

Everything is going well but it feels like there is still something missing…

What is it?

3 In 1

This will be a “rojak” post because there are 3 different stories to be shared which happened to me in a day.

First, catching up with best friend by having even a short conversation with him is satisfying. Have you ever come across a situation where you feel that you have strong feelings for your best friend? Perhaps this experience might not happen on you but on the people around you. If you have, how would you react to this situation? Personally, I think relationship will be at its best when best friends remain as best friends forever. This is the optimum level of relationship. That’s why falling in love with best friends is a forbidden act for me. Is not that I’d purposely force myself not to love him/her, but I would avoid any situation that would induce this to happen. I feel that it’s easier to share openly with best friends and it’s happier spending time with them.

I started to learn swimming yesterday. It was really difficult. The fear of drowning and putting my head into the water is an obstacle. However, I managed to float. I think I need to overcome my fear first before I can really learn to swim. Anyway, it was a good experience and I was happy getting to soak myself in the swimming pool. Thanks to my patient friends who were willing to teach me. ^^

Last, I just came back from dance rehearsal. The performance is tomorrow night. Everytime when I get to perform, I’d be very excited. Even how hard the training was, I’m really happy. I’m wondering if I took the road not taken, what my life would be now? Or if I’m going to take the road not taken, what will my life be? Sometimes I’m really caught up with myself, my desire. I want to perform my very best in everything I do. But this requires time to develop and practice it. Sometimes I have to forgo something because of another thing. One thing that saddens me is that I’ve neglected song composing when I’m getting busy with academics and activities. How I wish I would have another song of my composition to be performed for everyone to listen.

Dilemma

Looking at the achievement of others make me feel like a useless person. But at the same time I know it’s not relevant comparing myself with others because everyone is different.

I want…

I want…

I want…

I want…

I want…

There are many things that I want to achieve. But how high my desire determines how near I am to my goals.

Right now, I’m feeling scattered around. Pieces of me landed on different areas. There’s no one specific objective for me to achieve. I feel lost.

I demand for too many things. I want to achieve so many things and this has lead to a wide spread aims of mine. Thus, I lost myself. I don’t know how I spend my time. I feel like I’m not producing anything in a single day.

I can’t focus on what I want to strive for because I don’t know which one is my priority. Every dream that I have seems to be very important to me. None is ranked lower than the other.

I know I’ve faced this problem quite a number of times. And yet till now, I still couldn’t resolve it. Any advice?

Passion

When one lost her passion, she lost herself. That's me - for now. After the exam ended, I lost passion in almost EVERYTHING!

I used to love performing on stage, but now when I'm given the opportunity to go up to the stage, I didn't grab it.

I used to love travelling, but now when I'm given the chance to travel, I feel reluctant.

I used to love taking photos with my camera, but now I feel lazy to bring my camera along.

I used to love hanging out, but now I just want to stay at home. Shut myself from the world.

I used to... but now...

I used to... but now...

I really didn't know what has happened to me. I shared with some of my close friends about my problem. Their comments were:

1) You are tired - Mentally.

2) It's post-exam syndrome.

3) You have not been home for too long.

4) You have changed. Your passion has changed.

Hmm... maybe all those are linked in some way. But recently, I'm very fond of this song. I guess this is how I feel now.

這一刻 回頭看見自己

這一路的風景 百感交集的我

下一刻 又將飛向哪裡

漸漸疲憊的羽翼 為你披上了勇氣

放心離開我 我會記得這一刻

那些還飛翔著 不可思議的夢

雨後的天空 會有絢爛的彩虹

像最初相信著 我們總會找到自由

這一刻 時間變成行李

越過生命悲喜 陪伴著我前進

因為你讓我看清自己

面對未知的恐懼 腳步更加堅定

放心離開我 我會記得這一刻

那些還飛翔著 不可思議的夢

雨後的天空 會有絢爛的彩虹

像最初 相信著 我會找到自由

哦……只是遠行不是逃避

告別是為延續回憶 永恆的華麗

你……要照顧自己不要忘記

那些燦爛過的痕跡

放心離開我 我會記得這一刻

那些還飛翔著 不可思議的夢

雨後的天空 會有絢爛的彩虹

像最初相信著 我會找到自由

I'm now back to Malacca and I just met up with my best friend for drinks just now. For the past few days, I have not been blogging partly because I was busy and partly because I have no idea on what to blog about.

Love is always around everyone, everyday. It cannot be destroyed and it won't disappear. People always say 戏如人生，人生如戏. It's true. Sometimes you might think that the drama or movie that you watch is not realistic. But in fact, it just happens in life on someone, somewhere.

Aiks... Suddenly my blogging idea got erased from the memory. Now I don't know how to continue anymore. Anyway, don't get me wrong. I'm not emo. I just want to share what's in my mind with you. That's all for now. I'm off to sleep!

I don't like you talking to me this way. It's so rude.

What did I want to write in the first place?

I already forgotten once I reached the [New Post] page.

Arrrggghhhhhhhhh........

I'm old. Forgetting things fast.

Choices

For friends or for dreams?

Answer?

If someone rather goes out to celebrate birthday with a not-so-close friend than going out with you for dinner (on different days) and your relationship with that someone is not just normal friends, what does this imply?

I'm curious...

...actually what's in her mind???

It's so hard to understand you...

It's so hard to know what you're thinking...

It's so hard to get you to talk to me about your problems...

It's so hard to find out what's happening to you...

It's so hard to know what am I to you...

It's so hard to know what you want from me...

When you were around, I pretended that I didn't see you, didn't care about you and didn't even talk to you.

But when you were not around, I kept looking for you, kept thinking of you and wondered where you'd have gone and wished you could be by my side.

Can someone tell me why am I behaving like this? I'm so confused.

Apa Ini?

What can I do to help her? She cried. I went to her place just to see her. She didn't want me to see her ugly face (crying face). She didn't want to tell her problem. I couldn't do anything to console her. She said, after crying, she will be fine. I'm worried because she wouldn't cry if it's not a serious problem. Haiz...

For the first time in my life, I felt...

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo silly.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooo confused.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooo helpless.

Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo useless.

Sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo lost.

Can someone tell me, what situation I'm in now?

Nothing Important

It has been sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo long since I last updated my blog. Feel like lost connection from the world. T_T

Anyway, I have lots of things to blog about but suddenly my mind cramp. Don't know where and how to start.

Guess I'll just blog again when I know what to write.

For now, byebye!