My Confession

When I'm down or emo, I usually would browse through my FB friends' list to see who's online so that I could find someone to chat with. Whenever this person is online, he would always be the 1st person in my mind to approach. I don't know why but he has the power/ability which I feel that when I talk to him, I would feel better.

He is a mature person, I would say. With wide vision. And some wisdom. He can observe people and know that person's thoughts or personality well. And perhaps he is the first person who can uncover my weaknesses which I've been trying to hide from everyone all this while.

And to avoid misunderstanding by my friend (he'd thought I like him -_-'''), I would state the initial of this person whom I mentioned above. He's TCT. To a certain extend, I admire his ability to connect with many people. He has wide networking. At the same time, I admire his brain. If I had the chance, I would want to operate his brain to see how it functions. LOL...

Enough of introduction of him. Let's get back to the main point. Yup. He sees through my weakness. I wouldn't hide it any more. I admit that I look tough on the outside but I'm fragile on the inside. I'm weak. Very weak. Even weaker than some young kids I guess.

When I was young, I shed tears easily. I dislike myself for being so weak. Even until now, I do shed tears easily but only for extreme sadness or disappointment. Crying can be relieving. He sees that I always trying to be tough/super woman and yet deep down inside me, I need someone to rely on. He knows I need. He thinks I need. The fact is, I really need.

I lost to him this time. He can see behind my mask, the fragile heart I'm trying to cover. It has been broken once. Although it is fully healed now, it is no longer perfect. It is not the original heart that it used to be any more. This is the thing that I'm always protecting.

But it seems that I couldn't protect it well. It has some cracks now. And I'm doing my best to mend it. To fix it. To paste it. To glue it. Whatever you can think of. I'm now at the lowest level of a ferris wheel.

But it will turn up soon and reach the highest level. I will recover very fast. Sometimes I'm just being emotional. But when rationality returns home, I will be fine. Rationality sometimes needs to go out and have a walk. But it will always come back home.

Friends, don't worry. I'm fine.