暗恋

遇见了他，我很高兴。去年第一次见到他时，觉得他很普通。对他没什么感觉。可是当我慢慢认识他后，总觉得他的人很特别。很有才华。人见人爱。我很欣赏他。不知不觉对他有好感。

初恋过后，就没谈恋爱了。在我单身时候，觉得自己很花心。看上很多人，可是没有一次是真正爱过。可能已经忘了爱是如何。

我对他的心情是很模糊的。连我自己都不知道到底我对他的感觉是怎样。有时候看到他会觉得很兴奋。有时候又没有什么感觉。

但是我很清楚的是，他是一个很好的朋友。可能我对他还没有到爱的陈独。可是他以在我心中留下了很深的脚印。这一辈子是不可能会忘记他。

我没有想过会跟他走到另一个level，就是不知是普通朋友。因为他已经有了女朋友。他们俩的感情非常好。我替他们高兴。

喜欢或爱一个人不一定要跟他在一起。有时候，暗恋的感觉都已经是足够了。

Post Mortem

Just now went for 校创 post mortem. There were many things in my mind that I wanted to raise out before this. But when it was my turn to share, I didn't utter much. (Juniors: The so-called fierce senior didn't scold us for the 1st time!)

Yup. I didn't scold them this time. During the past few weeks whenever they had meetings, I would screwed them on the way they work in organizing activities. Messy, unprepared, last minute, blur and all the weaknesses an organizer shouldn't have were clearly portrayed by them. How can I stand all these?? Maybe I have been involved much in my faculty's activities which were carried out effectively and efficiently which makes me can't stand the way they do their work.

Come back to the main issue. Why this time I didn't scold them despite all the messiness and wrongdoings during the event?

I believed they are big enough to know their own mistakes. I believed even if I talk a lot, it is not going to enter their brains. I believed other seniors would have almost the same comments. I believed most of the post mortem carried out wouldn't have strong impact or improvement for the future event. I believed it's better to prevent and solve the problems prior to the event rather than crying over spilt milk.

That's why...

Turn Left? Turn Right?

Balance sheet, EPS, solvency, assets, liabilities, tax, liquidity, depreciation, cash flow statements, FRS, IRB, public ruling, audit, (continued)...........................................................................!!!!!!!!!

AM I GOING TO FACE THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE??

I DOUBT THAT!

Please show me the way...

Malacca Camp

Just came back to UM yesterday noon. Final exam is just in two weeks time and I don't know why am I still blogging here.

But I guess I'm trying to escape from reality that exam is just around the corner.

Anyway, just came back from 大摇 exec meeting just now. It feels nice when all of us work together for one purpose and we are just like a big family.

The theme for next year 大摇 is I~Infinity. We are going to have a Malacca Camp from 21-23 November. And we are going to perform at Jonker on 22 November (Sunday) at 7.30pm. It's an unplugged band performance. Hope all of you who will be in Malacca at that time can come and support us. ^^

为什么？

不知道要写什么

很多话要说 却说不出来

很多感想 不知道如何分享

心情很乱

头脑一片空白

有时候觉得自己没有一样是好的

但很多人总是觉得我什么都好

不知道要高兴还是要丧心

突然很想用华语来写出我的心情

认识我的人可能会觉得很奇怪

为什么我会写华语呢？

我虽然不是很会用手写华语

可是我会看

我会拼音 所以我就会type出来咯。。。

Finally Back Home...

Yes, I'm back home! It feels so nice to be home even though is only for 1 day++. Left 2 weeks to final exam. Haven't started anything yet.

Clueless... Don't know where to begin...

Must work hard in these 2 weeks!

The Secret Revealed

Regarding the previous post, I forgot to say something. Actually during last year Xiao Chuang, I have thought to myself before that I'm going to write a song and submit it in the coming Xiao Chuang which is this year which has just passed yesterday. I was determined at that time.

But this year just when Xiao Chuang was around the corner, I only have a song with me and I didn't plan to submit it in the 1st place. Due to lesser song submission this year compared to last year, Yuan Teng asked me to submit and said she would write the lyrics for me. And then the story continued like what I've written in previous posts.

I don't know if you have read a book on "The Secret". In this book, it explained about Law of Attraction. To simplify it, it says that whatever we think of and if we want it and believe we can get it just by the thoughts of our mind, we can finally receive what we want. Be who we want to be. Achieve what we want. Universe will react with our thoughts, just like a magnetic field.

I've tried a few times thinking of something that I want, and it really worked out. However, there were times when it failed.

In this case, for the song competition, I guessed the Universe has answered to my thoughts which were being asked last year.

And because of this, I will do my best in everything, think positively, have faith.

Out of Expectation!

Finally, the song composing competition has just ended yesterday. Out of my expectation, my song got 3rd place.

I don't know want to feel happy or sad. But I just feel I don't deserve it. My song is just a very normal song. Too normal even for a beginner. Is not something special. I can't find any winning point in it.

When submitting my song for preliminary round, I never expect to enter final. And when I knew it entered final, I was happy enough. Just wanted to perform it well in final and never, NEVER even think of getting any prize for this final.

There are so many other songs in final which are better than mine. I just really can't figure out why.

But anyway, this prize does not belong to me alone. Without lyrics, it wouldn't be a song. Without singer, it wouldn't be heard. Without music arrangement, it wouldn't be performed out.

And so I want to say a million thanks to Yuan Teng for writing the lyrics for me, Rachel for singing the song for me, and Stephen for arranging and playing the guitar for me.

And actually after I composed the melody, Yuan Teng modified some blunt tones of mine into more rounded melody.

And I feel that my melody is not original in a sense that I feel like I was imitating many other songs and combined the melody into one and then modified a bit, then became my own song. @@

That's why I don't deserve the prize. I need to learn more. And seriously, although I was happy getting the prize, but I feel more guilty than happy.

There's still a long way for me to go in music path...

I want to go home...

How long have I not been back home? About 2 weeks. And I will only go back after another 2 weeks. Though 2 weeks or 1 month seems like a 'short' period, but it's long for me especially when I don't get to see my family and how's their condition now. I really miss them.

Sometimes I wonder, what's my purpose in life? What's my purpose of living? I can't seem to find the answer. Humans live and die. It's like a cycle. I'm glad and thankful that my family and I are still alive today. But sometimes the fear of losing someone would somehow plays in my mind. I'm scared.

I've been spending lesser time with my family nowadays. I've been occupied by other things in university like studies and activities. Is this worth? My cousin just called me just now. She told me that my aunt (my secondary mother) is not feeling well recently. Then only I realized I have not been calling home since I was back to UM. *guilty*

I called my aunt just now to ask how is she. All she said to me was to take good care of myself. I know she really cares for me. After we hang up, I cried. I don't know why tears suddenly just burst out like that. I think I'm too emotional recently. Serious. I have to learn to control.

My life's journey is not easy, I know...

The Life of A 2nd Year Student

Just finished with Charity Fair 2009. Left two more visits to go before Charity Project 2009 officially ends. Feel like half of the burden has been removed from my back. It is so much lighter than before. =) Though becoming a programme head is stressful and not easy, I learnt a lot.

But my activities just didn't stop here. Now have to focus on MASC. A much bigger event, national level. Feel excited though now is the busiest time for us, publicity team. We are happy to get participation from students from all over Malaysia. =)

MASC is not the only one. On the other hand, I have a concert to organize. It's called DAYAO. The biggest chinese community event in UM after PTUM. So, what type of concert is this? All songs that will be performed in this concert are composed by UM students. It's a platform to discover talented students, a chance for them to perform. It will be held next year February, but the preparation has started since early this semester. This coming DAYAO's theme is I~Infinity. We open this concert to everyone who is interested to watch! =)

Dream

Just now went to take nap because I was tired. When I woke up I have a strong feeling of wanting to blog. Know why? I had a dream.

Though it's normal for me to dream once a while, but usually my dreams were blurry and I can't really remember what I've dreamt of. Only certain times I can remember the story line and characters in my dreams.

Back to the dream just now, I could remember clearly what and who was in. Usually if I dreamt of someone, it means that the person is special to me. This time is the same. I dreamt of this girl whom I just knew not long ago. I've never met her before till few days ago I coincidentally saw her in a place.

Conclusion? I've no idea what I want to express. Just feel like writing. =p

Fate (Part 2)

This one week break of mine has really made me encountered many things and many people. Again it's all FATE.

When I was browsing my Facebook just now, I happened to came across my very old friend, whom I've known since primary Standard 3. (WOW! That's so loooooooooonnnnnngggggggg ago)

Yes! It's primary Standard 3, when I was around 9 years old. When I was in primary, I admired her a lot. Not because of her talent, outlook or whatsoever, but because of her personality. She was nice to be with.

Recently just found her and added her in Facebook. In fact, now I'm chatting with her and I'm still fond of her. After so long, she's still the same old person whom I admired before.

And for your information, she's a Malay. In Malaysia, when we talk about race, it's a sensitive issue. But actually in the first place, what is it to be sensitive about?

It's because all the media and so called "leaders" keep on mentioning this matter, then it became an issue. If they don't give rise to this matter, I think we would be living in a more harmony environment.

Children don't know what is race. But they are being brought up to know.

My main point is don't be easily influenced by others. Think critically. The state of mind is all psychological.

Fate

Yesterday chatted with my blog-mate, Penthius. It was the first time for us to chat after we've been visiting each other's blogs for quite a while.

I do believe in fate. We have never met each other before and 2 days ago I saw her from far in DP. I thought to myself, "This girl looks familiar. Is it Penthius?"

After yesterday's conversation, we finally verified that we were looking at the right person. Lol... What a coincidence!

Although both of us are from Malacca and Malacca is not a BIG city, nevertheless, getting to meet someone you've never even thought of would meet, is something surprising.

And this incident made me even believe more in fate.

Why best friends can be best friends? Of course they must 1st be fated to know each other, where likeness pull them together, then only we would have what we called, True Friends.

So actually what I'm trying to say is don't take things for granted. Cherish all the people around you. Especially those you love. They are just like gifts given to you by God.

Teardrops on me...

When my seniors told me that the last year Programme Department Head of Charity Project cried when carrying out her duty, I could not feel how she felt.

Now, I can feel that. Stressed!

I always thought I'm a tough person, but this time I was wrong.

Uncontrollable, I broke down into tears just all of a sudden.

Everything comes to me at the same time.

Then only I realized, I'm weak.

It's good that I'm being tested now. At least I know what are my weaknesses.

I still have long way to go. Success does not come easily.

How Much Is The Price Of TIME?

Finally, I get to "touch" my blog again!! There are so much things to say...

Accumulated since my last post... Whenever there was something happening, I'd feel like blogging but didn't get the chance...

Now that I want to blog, I just don't know where to start... Haiz..

Just now I read one of my friends' blog. The story she posted struck my mind after reading it!

Then only I realized how much things I've lost this semester. Or I should say how much TIME I've lost focusing on the minor parts of my life and forgetting the major parts of my life.

I'm really bad in time management. I really hope I could balance up my life.

Anyone can advise me?

Is This My Choice?

We can't have all the things in the world. That's why DECISION appears. I don't know what went wrong in my mind, I seem to make many wrong decisions recently. I didn't regret it but I'm upset over it.

I'm not someone who can do many things at the same time. So I have to let go certain things I'm holding in my hands. It's hard to let go, especially when it's something you like. Among all the choices I have, I decided to let go my most lovable thing.

All my friends were shocked when they knew it. Even I, myself can't believe I made this choice.

I really admire those who can do many things at the same time, and doing them well. Despite all the stuff they have with them, they'd still have time for relaxation. Cool!

Somehow I think I have a little problem with time management. This is my weakness.

Life... Why do I live?

Be considerate!

My mid sem break is gone. I thought I could do all my work at home but it turned out to be the other way round. It's not that I'm relaxing at home. But it's my cousin's baby. My time has gone due to babysitting.

Sad case...

Now I'm wondering... Why people like to have kids around? Though it's fun when they are around, imagine the amount of work and time that they cost you when bringing them up.

I just hope to those people who wish to have babies and kids around, please keep in mind the responsibilities you have over them. If you want to bring them to this world, make sure you have the ability to take care of them.

Don't trouble others to take care of them for you!!

If you are the parents, then you should do what parents need to do. Not just push over everything to others to help you. As parents, you are adults. You should be able to think maturely. I'm sad to see some parents mentality still like young children. These are the people that grow old in appearance but not mind.

I'm a bit upset with my cousin actually. Somehow she's inconsiderate. She didn't think for others. She always rely on her mother to take care of her 2 kids. She never thought is her mother's health condition suitable for babysitting or not.

She's so dependent on others. Always think what is good for her but not what effect it can cause to others. Although she treats me very good, but to a certain limit, I can't accept the way she thinks. Her mind is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo inmature. Haiz...

Fun!

Just now went to watch movie with friends. The movie was nice! It's G.I. Joe - The Rise of Cobra. If you like to watch Transformers, you'll definitely like this show!

Although not every of our friends went for the movie (only 3 of us), but we had great time hanging out together! ^^ After the movie, we went to "lim teh" and chill out. It was great spending time with them and share about our life with each other. I like this kind of feeling! I miss those good old days when I was in secondary and high school.

Those experiences made me realized what is actually important in my life. What I want to have in my life. How I want to live my life. It struck my mind that all this while, I was somehow out of my path. Those moments of happiness are guidance for me to track back my path. To take the journey that I want.

Nice hanging out with you guys! Frens 4ever! ^^

I'm tired...

Love is tiring...

I always seem to make wrong decision when it comes to love relationship.

In the first place, I think I shouldn't have started this relationship. Again, I feel it's a burden.

I really enjoy my single life! Hanging out with friends and spending quality time with family.

It has been 3 years since I stayed single. I'm used to this type of life. And I'm happy with it.

In fact, my time has been spent wonderfully all this while.

I have really no time for relationship now and I'm not ready for any yet.

I still feel being single is better. Most of my time have been used for studies, activities, friends, family, leisure and self relfection. Even without being engage in a relationship, I have used up most of my time! Sleeping time has also been reduced a lot!

So where else can I find time for love? That's why I don't feel to be engaged now. I want freedom. What I really need in life is FRIENDS and FAMILY. Without them, I'm nothing.

And I need time of my own too...

Emo side of me...

Today I'm not feeling good in a sense that I'm emo. There are just too many things to do at the same time!

I'm upset...

This makes me feel like blogging and want to express all out!

I'm lost... I'm blur... I'm tired...

I feel like giving up... I'm helpless... I'm hopeless...

I feel like being bullied... not by others... but by myself...

There are many things I still need to learn...

I'm not a good planner... In fact, a bad one...

I can't think critically... I feel I'm useless...

I really hope I can really do my duty well as it reflects my attitude and personality.

Feel much better after writing out.

Meanwhile, gambate!!

*You can do it!* ^^