Did I marry the right person?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?" I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, "It depends. Is that your husband?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind. Here's the answer.

EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.

Falling is love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?" And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING love. You have to "make" it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression "the labor of love."

Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can "make" love.

Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling .

Beyond Imagination

HUMAN BEINGS ARE SUCH SMALL CREATURES, AREN'T THEY?

SO DON'T BE TOO WORRIED ABOUT EVERYTHING.

TREASURE EVERY MOMENT, DO WHAT YOU WISH TO DO.

BROADEN YOUR VIEW, BROADEN YOUR MIND.

DON'T WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT THINGS THAT ARE BOTHERING YOU.

DO TREASURE YOUR LOVE, LIVE SAFELY AND PEACEFULLY.

ALWAYS BE HAPPY TO WELCOME THE COMING OF THE NEW DAY! ENJOY THE SUNSHINE!

ALWAYS LOOK AT THE BRIGHTER SIDE OF THINGS.

The Barber & God

A man went to a barbershop to have his hair cut and his beard trimmed. As the barber began to work, they began to have a good conversation. They talked about so many things and various subjects. When they eventually touched on the subject of God, the barber said, "I don't believe that God exists."

"Why do you say that?" asked the customer. "Well, you just have to go out in the street to realize that God doesn't exist. Tell me, if God exists, would there be so many sick people? Would there be abandoned children? If God existed, there would be neither suffering nor pain. I can't imagine a loving God who would allow all of these things."

The customer thought for a moment, but didn't respond because he didn't want to start an argument. The barber finished his job and the customer left the shop. Just after he left the barbershop, he saw a man in the street with long, stringy, dirty hair and an untrimmed beard. He looked dirty and unkempt.

The customer turned back and entered the barber shop again and he said to the barber, "You know what? Barbers do not exist." "How can you say that?" asked the surprised barber. "I am here, and I am a barber. And I just worked on you!" "No!" the customer exclaimed. "Barbers don't exist because if they did, there would be no people with dirty long hair and untrimmed beards, like that man outside."

"Ah, but barbers DO exist! That's what happens when people do not come to me." "Exactly!" affirmed the customer. "That's the point! God, too, DOES exist! That's what happens when people do not go to Him and don't look to Him for help. That's why there's so much pain and suffering in the world."

Have faith in Him

Ongoing Self Reflection

Just went through an informal meeting for MAP progress with J. Don’t know why I have an uneasy feeling after the meeting. Many doubts run through my mind.

Have I asked too many questions?

Have I asked questions that I’m not suppose to ask?

Have I been too aggressive in giving feedbacks?

Have I used the wrong vocabulary in my sentence structure?

Have I accidentally provoked or hurt anyone’s feeling during the meeting?

Have I said something that I’m not suppose to say?

Without realizing it, I became more sensitive than usual after having bad experiences with some friends in the past. I admit that certain characteristics of mine are dislikeable by others. However, I understand that I cannot please everyone in my life because I’m only a normal human being. Only those friends who know me well would accept me for being who I am.

I have done my best to always improve myself by getting feedbacks from friends. I always try to fit into everyone but yet I’m being hold back by my own fear. The fear of accidentally hurting someone’s feeling without my knowing when I talk. This is my biggest concern when interacting with people.

Sometimes I really admire those girls with innocent-looking face because indirectly they have won the hearts of many. However, I was born with this cool-looking face which I think sometimes it has frighten people away thinking that I’m not approachable.

I always try to treat everyone politely but somehow it leads to people thinking that I’m either too formal or not friendly enough and that I’m cautious in my words and actions which created a barrier between us.

My friends always say that I’m too naive because I still see the world as a beautiful place which sometimes in reality it’s not that way.

My straight forward attitude is my biggest concern too because being too straight forward might lead to blunt words. But if you really know me well, be rest assured that I am sincere when I treat you as friends because I know how it feels when we’re not being treated sincerely.

Life – As You See It

Friend: How’s life treating you?

Me: Life has been treating me with sweet, sour, bitter and spicy taste. It was harsh to me for a certain period but giving wonderful journey along the way! =)

How you feel in life very much depends on how you perceive and interpret it. Different people might feel differently giving the same situation to them. So before you start changing your life, change the way you think.

They take care of us…