Chatted with my brother 3 weeks ago when I was having my final exam. This was the summary of our conversation.

Me: I’m goin to finish my finals soon. Dunno wat to do.

Him: Enjoy until u dunno how to enjoy anymore.

At that time, I didn’t really understand what he meant by that. But now, I understood his meaning. Only 2 weeks have passed since my last day of exam and now I don’t really know how to enjoy anymore.

Previously, enjoyment to me was simple. Hanging out with friends, going out for “yam cha”, singing in KTV, watching movie in cinema, writing posts in blog, reading books, playing badminton, shopping with family and friends, spending time at home with family, simply travelling around and sleeping.

Within the past 2 weeks, I’ve done most of the activities. Somehow I don’t really get so excited as before. Then I realized what he really meant because at one point of time, I seriously couldn’t feel any enjoyment in the things I did.

It’s not because I’m bored of doing those things mentioned above. I guess it’s my wounded heart that has taken everything away. I do not know how long will it take to heal. But for one thing I know, the wounded part will leave a scar. A scar that will always remind me of those painful lessons.

Miyuuka Fashion & Agape Boutique

I’ve tried buying clothes online from the two online stores mentioned above. However, I’m really very disappointed with their services. Firstly, they shipped the goods very late after payment has been confirmed. I usually received the goods 2 or 3 weeks after I’ve made my payment. Secondly, the quality of their clothes are so lousy and are different from the illustration shown in their website. Thirdly, there is a high degree in colour variation. Fourthly, sometimes they even shipped the wrong item to the customer. I will never buy any clothes/bags/shoes from online store anymore.

The Power of Mouth

Elderly people usually are wiser than younger ones as they’ve experienced more things and seen more people. Especially those people whose jobs involved meeting different people everyday.Thus, sometimes they can easily analyse someone from their look, the way they talk and the way they behave. I should’ve listened to my cousins’ advice a few years ago about her. But at that time I was so blinded by her angel’s mask and I looked up to her so much. Thus, I ignored my cousins’ advice. After this incident, my cousins told me, it’s never too late to realize now before I join the working force. It’s a learning curve.

They told me “mouth” is a very destructive weapon. Even if you have a dark heart but if you can talk sweetly, everyone will like you. This type of people always know how to talk about the things that the listeners would like to hear and will never mention anything that the listeners don’t like to hear.

If you have a kind heart but you don’t know how to talk sweetly, then everyone will dislike you because you would be so naive to the extend of telling all the truth you know when the truth might be something which is not nice to hear and the listeners don’t like to hear.

I’m the kind of person who don’t know how to talk sweetly. Should I learn how to talk more sweetly? Or should I just shut my mouth?

Dead Heart

Finally I know the real side of you. When you can complaint to your friend about another friend by saying, “Who is she? She is nothing!” I finally know what kind of friend you are. 6 years of friendship and I’m nothing to you.

When you met with accident and you needed someone to be there for you, you gave me a call. I went there to accompany you.

When you were sad and you needed someone to listen to you, you gave me call, I stopped doing all my things and pay full attention to you.

When you needed someone to help you in your work, you gave me a call, I helped you as much as I could.

When you didn’t have car to go out, you gave me a call, I fetched you where ever you wanted to go.

When you needed someone to hang out with you, you gave me a call, I did my best to make time for you.

Have I not done enough as a friend? Did I owe you anything?

When I met with accident, I didn’t even call you to accompany me because I would try my best to settle myself.

When I was sad, I didn’t even call you to ask you to spare your time listening to me because I didn’t want to share unhappiness with friends unless I seriously needed advice. Instead, I chose to write in blog.

When I encountered problems with my work, I didn’t even call you to request for your help because I didn’t want to trouble you with it.

When I didn’t have car to go out, I didn’t even call you to fetch me go anywhere because I didn’t want to rely on my friends.

And now you can be so cruel by saying I’m nothing to you at all. I finally realized your true face. When I heard this, I wasn’t angry. My heart just died.

A Fact Is Still A Fact

My cousin told me, “When you’ve done something wrong, sometimes an apology means nothing at all. It might not save back anything.”

At that moment, I stumbled upon it. What she said was right. Just like when a murderer has killed someone, he is still guilty of it even if he repent, admit his mistake, apologize and seek for forgiveness. The fact that he has killed someone is a past incident that cannot be changed. Thus, he is still guilty of his crime and is subject to punishment under the law.

So now I realized sometimes when I accidentally hurt my friends through my speeches, my apology means nothing at all because it is a fact that has happened and I’m guilty of what I’ve done. Therefore, I deserve a punishment.

Are you ok?

One of my best friends from UM messaged me this morning. In her message, she asked me this, “Are you ok?” Upon seeing these 3 words, I burst into tears. It was a very sudden reaction. Although they are just 3 simple words. But they meant a lot to me. Then only I realized I’m not ok although all this while I’ve been telling myself that I’m ok. And I realized I’m deeply hurt. It’s even more painful than breaking up with first love. So weak, isn’t it?

Please Leave Us Alone

Why do you want to purposely bad mouth about your friend’s partner in front of your friend when both of them already knew each other weaknesses? What intention do you have? Do you want to make them break up? Are you happy if they break up? What kind of heart do you have? Why suddenly you can become so scary? Like an evil mind with angel’s face.

…

We know all of you hated us so much and we already decided to leave and will not disturb all of you again.

Why then do you still want to keep on disturbing us?

Why do you still want to put fire on us?

Why do you still want to create problems for us?

Are you too free that you got nothing better else to do?

If you are free, we are not. We still have our families to care for. We don’t have time for any arguments. We dislike arguments.

Please grow up.

Opinion

Opinion is a very subjective matter. Everyone will have their own thoughts and opinions. There is no absolute right or wrong in opinion because it is merely a judgment. It is common that sometimes people might disagree with your opinion.

When we disagree with your opinion, you said we are childish.

When we disagree with your opinion, you said we are stubborn.

When we disagree with your opinion, you said our EQ is low.

When you give your opinion, we listened to you and respect your thoughts although we might disagree with it. We don’t condemn you. But you who always think that you’re always right and whatever opinion that other people give to you are always wrong when you disagree with it.

So in this case, who is actually more childish, stubborn and has lower EQ?

It is very funny that sometimes people just know how to judge others and forget to judge themselves. They can give plenty of bad comments about other people but they would never think of commenting on themselves. It is very important to remember that no one is perfect in this world and so everyone has weaknesses.

When you think that your opinions are always right and other people’s opinions are always wrong. Don’t you think you have over rated yourself? Have your ever calm down and reflect upon yourself?

Those who have high self-awareness (high EQ) would have known this fact. So when those people who listened to others opinion, although it might be a bad comment about them, and realized that actually it is their mistake, they would admit it. So when those people admit their mistake, humiliate themselves and throw away their pride to take the first step to apologize to others, they are actually the ones that have higher self-awareness as compared to those who don’t even want to admit their mistakes and tried every possible way to blame it on others.

It’s a courageous move for those who actually humiliate themselves putting away their pride to apologize to others. This also shows that they are sincere. But when you don’t even wish to forgive them, then there is nothing else that they can do.

I’m a human being. I have weaknesses too. So when you criticized me, at least I would stop and ponder on your comments. And when I think that what you said about me is true, then I would admit it and apologize.

You are a human being too. You too have weaknesses. But when I slightly give my opinion about you, you straight away got angry. You think whatever things that I said are bullshit. You don’t even stop and ponder upon yourself. What more to admitting your mistakes when you already think that you are always right. If what I said about you isn’t right, then why should you got angry? When you’re angry it only shows that I have hit the right button. What I said about you is true but your pride is so high that you just wouldn’t want to admit it.

You said you have encountered many types of people before. You said you’ve seen the world. You said you have more experience than anyone else of the same age. But you don’t even have little self-awareness about yourself. How good can you be?

The Truth Is Out There

When you only listen to the story of one side of the party, can you make a reasonable conclusion?

It’s very common that many people choose to straight away jump into a conclusion just based on what they hear from one party without even bother to find out whether it’s the truth or not.

They do not even exercise professional skepticism before they accept the assertion made by that party. If they are wise enough, they should know that they need to investigate to obtain more sufficient appropriate evidence before they can give a reasonable judgment.

Assertions made by people can be distorted in order to protect themselves. So how reliable can the assertion be?

I think learning auditing is really very helpful in daily life especially when it comes to cases when everyone is not fully speaking the truth because they want to protect themselves. So in this case, what can we do?

Seek for the truth!

EQ = Emotional Quotient

“A (notional) measure of a person's adequacy in such areas as self-awareness, empathy, and dealing sensitively with other people.”

Source: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/EQ

When you dislike someone and didn’t really trust him/her but yet you still go out and celebrate birthday for that person. Does this mean that you have high EQ?

I seriously don’t think so. As you can read from the definition, this matter has got nothing to do with EQ at all. It’s about you being real or fake.

Knowing that you dislike/distrust that person and yet you still went on to celebrate birthday for him/her only shows that you are a good actor/actress and that you can act very well by putting up a smiley-angel mask when you face that person despite that internally, you are not.

I admit I’m really a lousy actress because I can’t act at all. Everything that people see in me is the truth about myself. It’s not my fault that I can’t act right? I’m not born to be an actress. If I were, I would have been a famous artist now. LOL!

In darkness, I see lights

- I will pray for you - <Tse Hwei>

- Don’t worry, you still have us - <Yann Tyeng>

- No matter what happened, I will always stay up firm by your side - <Siew Cheng>

- We always welcome you to join us - <Alex>

- Be truthful to yourself and stay loyal to what your core are what making us, us - <Teck Wei>

The Most Heartbreaking Lesson

I learnt a lesson. The greatest lesson in my entire life so far. Trust no one except for those who truly care for you. Not even your best friend. Sometimes when you are sincere and truthful to your best friend, he/she might not treat you the same way.

I realized the strength of the friendship does not grow with the number of years you know your best friend.

I realized a friendship can be so fragile and easily broken when being tested with little problems.

I realized sometimes even your best friend would bad mouth you in front of others.

I realized sometimes your best friend would not stand by your side when you are being accused.

I realized your best friend sometimes would not be truthful to you knowing that you are facing difficulties.

I realized how easily a person can sabotage a long-built friendship.

I realized how easily messages can be passed on one by one with distorted truth.

I realized how foolish I was to trust most of the people around me while they are actually back stabbing me.

I realized how easily your best friend could choose to doubt you and instead trust someone whom he/she just knew for not long.

I realized sometimes even your long-known best friend can be not understanding at all.

I realized sometimes even your best friend could not accept your true personality and characteristics after knowing you for so long.

I realized your best friend sometimes could not even tolerate with you despite knowing that it is your true nature for being so.

I realized how people can be so good in acting making everyone around him/her to trust him/her easily when he/she is actually the worst fake person.

I realized some people do grow old in age but still having a childish mind.

I realized how easily a message can be misinterpreted even when you are using normal language and casual daily words to speak.

I realized how people can be so selfish in order to protect their own image.

I realized it is not worth to care for those who does not care for you.

I realized friends can be so scary sometimes.

I realized I am such a naive person all this while.

I realized how some people can think that they are always right and would never agree with other’s opinion.

I realized how stubborn a person can be thinking that their thoughts are always the best.

I realized it is better to talk less or don’t talk at all in any circumstances.

I realized how friends can so easily choose to condemn you.

I realized how people can always think that they are so noble without realizing that no one is perfect in this world and everyone has weaknesses.

I realized how your friends can be not appreciative at all when you have sacrificed for her/him and help her/him when she/he needs you.

I realized how easily your friends can choose to abandon you anytime they want without even cherishing the friendship.

I realized how easily I can be bullied even if I look tough on the outside.

I realized I can’t put any mask on when facing my friends because I would feel suffocated. I wonder how those people breathe when they have to put up mask all the time with friends.

I realized I’m a lousy actor because I only know how to show my true self to others.

I realized sometimes friends prefer you to be fake rather than real. They prefer to hear only good things even though is not real.

I realized how this world is full of lies and those that do not know how to pretend would be condemned.

I realized how weak I am now. But I realized this is certainly an eye opener for me.

I’m grateful and thankful for all these unfortunate events that have happened to me because they are such great teachers which have taught me well about the reality of life.