Ongoing Self Reflection

Just went through an informal meeting for MAP progress with J. Don’t know why I have an uneasy feeling after the meeting. Many doubts run through my mind.

Have I asked too many questions?

Have I asked questions that I’m not suppose to ask?

Have I been too aggressive in giving feedbacks?

Have I used the wrong vocabulary in my sentence structure?

Have I accidentally provoked or hurt anyone’s feeling during the meeting?

Have I said something that I’m not suppose to say?

Without realizing it, I became more sensitive than usual after having bad experiences with some friends in the past. I admit that certain characteristics of mine are dislikeable by others. However, I understand that I cannot please everyone in my life because I’m only a normal human being. Only those friends who know me well would accept me for being who I am.

I have done my best to always improve myself by getting feedbacks from friends. I always try to fit into everyone but yet I’m being hold back by my own fear. The fear of accidentally hurting someone’s feeling without my knowing when I talk. This is my biggest concern when interacting with people.

Sometimes I really admire those girls with innocent-looking face because indirectly they have won the hearts of many. However, I was born with this cool-looking face which I think sometimes it has frighten people away thinking that I’m not approachable.

I always try to treat everyone politely but somehow it leads to people thinking that I’m either too formal or not friendly enough and that I’m cautious in my words and actions which created a barrier between us.

My friends always say that I’m too naive because I still see the world as a beautiful place which sometimes in reality it’s not that way.

My straight forward attitude is my biggest concern too because being too straight forward might lead to blunt words. But if you really know me well, be rest assured that I am sincere when I treat you as friends because I know how it feels when we’re not being treated sincerely.