Western Vs Asians

Key:
Blue --> Westerners
Red –> Asians

(1) Opinion

Westerners: Talk to the point.
Asians: Talk around the circle, especially if opinions are different.

(2) Way of Life

Westerners: Individualism, think of himself or herself.
Asians: Enjoy gathering with family and friends, solving their problems, and know each other's business.

(3) Punctuality

Westerners: On time.
Asians: In time.

(4) Contacts

Westerners: Contact to related person only.
Asians: Contact everyone everywhere, business very successful.

(5) Anger

Westerners: Show that I am angry.
Asians: I am angry, but still smiling... (Beware!)

(6) Queue when Waiting

Westerners: Queuing in an orderly manner.
Asians: Queuing?! What's that?

(7) Sundays on the Road

Westerners: Enjoy weekend relaxing peacefully.
Asians: Enjoy weekend in crowded places, like going to the mall.

(8) Party

Westerners: Only gather with their own group.
Asians: All focus on the one activity that is hosted by the CEO.

(9) In the restaurant

Westerners: Talk softly and gently in the restaurant.
Asians: Talk and laugh loudly like they own the restaurant.

(10) Travelling

Westerners: Love sightseeing and enjoy the scenery.
Asians: Taking picture is the most important; scenery is just for the background.

(11) Handling of Problems

Westerners: Take any steps to solve the problems.
Asians: Try to avoid conflicts, and if can, don't leave any trail.

(12) Three meals a day

Westerners: Good meal for once a day is sufficed.
Asians: At least 3 good meals a day.

(13) Transportation

Westerners: Before drove cars, now cycling for environmental protection.
Asians: Before no money and rode a bike, now got money and drive a car.

(14) Elderly in day-to-day life

Westerners: When old, there is snoopy for companionship.
Asians: When old, guarantee will not be lonely, as long as willing to babysit grandkids.

(15) Moods and Weather

Westerners: The logic is rain is pain.
Asians: More rain, more prosperity.

(16) The Boss

Westerners: The boss is part of the team.
Asians: The boss is a fierce god.

(17) What's Trendy

Westerners: Eat healthy Asian cuisine.
Asians: Eat expensive Western cuisine.

(18) The Child

Westerners: The kid is going to be independent and make his/her own living.
Asians: Slog whole life for the kids, the centre of your life.

Goodbye Mum

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him.

She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease; it's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay." "I know it's silly, but if you'd call out "Good bye, Mum" as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mum."

The little old lady waved, and smiled back at him. Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries. "That comes to $121.85," said the operator. "How come so much .... I only bought 5 items.." The operator replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

English: Malaysian Vs Britons

WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS

Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.

Malaysians: No stock.

RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?

Malaysians: Hello, who call?

ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?

Malaysians: S-kew me.

WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me..

Malaysians: No need lah.

WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?

Malaysians: (pointing at the door) Can ah?

WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.

Malaysians: No need shy shy one lah!

WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.

Malaysians: Where got?

WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.

Malaysians: Don't want lah.

IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.

Malaysians: You mad ah?

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here.

Malaysians: Shut up lah!

WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?

Malaysians: See what, see what?

WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.

Malaysians: Die lah!!

WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?

Malaysians: What happened ah? Why like that one lah?

WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you.

Malaysians: Like that also don't know how to do!

WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me?

Malaysians: Celaka you!

Men Are Happier?

NICKNAMES:

• If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
• If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-Eyes.

EATING OUT:

• When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
• When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY:

• A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
• A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS:

• A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
• The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS:

• A woman has the last word in any argument.
• Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE:

• A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
• A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS:

• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
• A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE:

• A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
• A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP:

• A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
• A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL:

• Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
• Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING:

• A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret, fears and hopes and dreams.
• A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Husband Software

A woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as  News 5.0, Money 3.0 and Cricket 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House Cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

 The Technical Support Guy replies to the woman

Dear Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources). In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
Good Luck Madam!

Ants Vs Grasshoppers

Older Version
An ant worked hard in the sweltering heat all summer, building its nest and laying up supplies for the winter. A grasshopper thought the ant was stupid not knowing how to enjoy life. It spent its days laughing, singing & dancing thoroughly enjoying the summer. Came winter, the ant was warm, comfortable and had no shortage of food. The grasshopper had no proper shelter, no stored food, and couldn't find anything to eat from the snow-covered ground. So it died and the story ended.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Be responsible for yourself!

Modern Version
An ant worked hard in the sweltering heat all summer, building its nest and laying up supplies for the winter. A grasshopper thought the ant was stupid not knowing how to enjoy life. It spent its days laughing, singing & dancing thoroughly enjoying the summer. Came winter, the shivering grasshopper called a press conference and demanded to know why the ant should be warm and well fed while he was suffering. TV1, TV2 & TV3 showed up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper alongside to a video clip of the ant in his comfortable home with a table full of food.

The majority of the Malaysian Parliamentarians were stunned by the  sharp contrast. How could this poor grasshopper be allowed to suffer? Khairy staged a demonstration in front of the ant's nest. Nazri went on a hunger strike along with other grasshoppers demanding that they be relocated to warmer climate area during winter. The Malaysia Government immediately passed a law forbidding all ants from working hard in the summer so as to bring about equality of poverty between ants and grasshoppers. Hishammudin increased 'More Special Reservations' for grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The ant was fined for failing to share 30% of his food with the grasshopper. The Prime Minister announced that this was part of the NEP. No ant should question it. (Don't forget, Tax Audits were introduced and targeted at certain individuals who were eventually penalized heavily for not contributing enough to the well-being of the grasshoppers).

Many years later, some ants migrated to the US and set up multi-billion dollar companies there. Hundreds of grasshoppers still died of starvation despite the 'More Special Reservations'. Losing significant number of hard working ants and free loading the grasshoppers, Malaysia  remained a developing country, despite its abundant natural resources. All because the remaining ANTS were still doing their work. Latest finding showed that almost all the grasshoppers in the political arena and civil service were hoarding corrupt wealth which they refused to share with fellow grasshoppers.

MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote wisely!

Bao…

Last time when I went to Singapore, I came across this food stall. It really made me laugh at that time. Look at the name: 包今天 ---> 包青天 (Justice Bao)

Best Joke Award Winner

A Chinese man walked into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg. As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushed over to him, and asked for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gave him a slap and said “You, Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbour, get out of here.” The astonished Chinese man replied “It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbour, it was the Japanese.”  “Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same,” replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gave Spielberg a slap and said, “You sank the Titanic; my forefathers were on that ship.”
Shocked, Spielberg replied “It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me.” The Chinese replied “Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same!”

Malaysia Vs Singapore

I was chatting with my brother yesterday and since he’s in Singapore and I’m in Malaysia, out of randomness we talked about some differences that these two countries have. The green coloured font is me while the black one is my brother.

What Is Marketing?

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing.

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich, will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich, I want to marry you."
That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me."  She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback.

Cute & Educational For Kids!

Just For Fun!