Caring Heart

I can't sleep. Although I tried to lie down on my bed, my mind kept thinking. Sometimes I question myself, do I care enough for others?

I think my answer is no. Sometimes I take things for granted. I always say family and friends are important to me and I love them all.

But again I question myself, if I really love them, why did I get angry with them sometimes?

Why did I speak impolitely to them?

Why didn't I call them or send them sms just to make sure that they are in good condition?

Why didn't I tell them I miss them or I love them?

So many whys...

At certain times, I really cared for everyone and whenever I saw them upset, I would try to cheer them up. But at certain times, I didn't care about anything at all. Why?

A caring heart should come naturally. It can't be made up. Even until now when I'm typing this post, I still couldn't find the answer to my questions. Does this mean that I don't have a caring heart?

I admit that sometimes I talk less. I joke less. I was alone most of the times. I don't smile that often. I look cool and people think that I'm hard to get along with. Although I acted coldly sometimes, that doesn't mean I'm a cold person. It's just that, this is the natural me. I don't like to pretend in front of people. I like to be myself. But I found that sometimes being myself is wrong. I really admire those people who can be good with everyone. How did they do that? I also admire those people who are likeable by everyone. Even God himself can't please everyone in this world, how can a human being do so?

I wish to have a bigger heart. Big enough to store all the cares I have for everyone. Everyday is a learning process. And as I write this post, I learnt something too. When we always look at the big picture, sometimes we might neglect the small little things that are actually important to us. So before I start to care for everyone, I shall start with those people around me.