It has been in my mind since young...

Chatted with my friend, Teck Wei yesterday night. Then only I realized I lack of one very important criteria in life - PASSION.

He's an ACCA graduate. I can feel his passion for this field when I talked to him. He loves what he is doing. He's knowledgeable and has good observation.

I'm not like him. I don't have the passion that an accounting student should have in order to succeed. Is not that I don't like what I'm taking now, but I just don't have much interest in it.

I never regret taking this path but I always wonder what my future would be. Where and what will I work as? Will I be happy with my future job?

Or is it that I'm not ambitious enough? Which resulted in me not having the passion?

I believe that if one really loves what he or she is doing, he/she will be successful.

Which road should I take?

I can't even see any road farther ahead...

Define Simple

Love is simple. But love is not something that can come just like this.

It needs to be cultivated. It is not just in a blink of an eye, and you said you love someone.

How much can we trust on that?

Even if you do love that person, how deep is it? Are you serious in it?

I may be very old-minded in this sense but at least I'm not playing a fool.

How come people can fall in love so easily? I don't understand...

Maybe I need to learn how to take it easy...

爱情

爱有那么简单吗？

一见钟情真的会有结果吗？

一见钟情真的会让人爱得那么深吗？

为什么有些人可以把爱看得那么随便？

很容易的就爱上一个人

也很容易的就放下了一个人

这算是爱吗？

我真的无法了解某些人的想法

可以很容易的就爱上一个人

也可以很容易的就翻掉一段感情

到底爱对他们来说是什么？

可能我把爱情看得太重了

总觉得不可以随便乱乱来

这样是好还是坏？

我是一个好玩的人

我也可以很随便的就喜欢上很多人

但是我没有很随便的就爱上一个人

难道这也算花心吗？

难道这也算不成熟吗？

如果我是花心或不成熟，那我就应该谈过很多次的恋爱了

但是我没有，我只有谈过那么一次

就曾经爱上呢么一个人而已

不知道是不是被伤害过很深，觉得自己已经很难要真正爱上一个人了

已经麻木了，已经不知道到底爱是什么了

虽然诞生的生活是很自由自在的

但是偶尔会羡慕那些在谈恋爱的人

My Style

To continue? Or to change?

Mixture

Admire? Love? Like?

Which one?

When I don't know who to turn to - He is the one

Mature

This post is as a reply to my friend's post.

"Playful" not equals to "not mature".

I may be playful or flirty but this doesn't mean that I'm childish.

How do you rate one's maturity?

People who often commented on others' state of maturity are actually themselves not mature.

I know this is not the best solution...

I want to run away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When lightning struck!

When I read 2 of my friends' blog, they remind me of something - My Dream & My Life.

Tasya's post on My Stage reminds me of my dream. The things she wrote touched my heart. The things she wrote is what I felt too. I may not have all those criteria required for me to be on stage, but I wish to have my own stage. A place for me to perform... where I can express myself... to those I love...

Shi Wei's post on her adventures has also reminded me of my life. The things I've lost. I've been occupied by not-so-important stuff in life which made me neglected the important stuff in life. I love travelling. But I seldom travel. When I read all those posts on how my friends enjoyed themselves, I really wanted to go to those places so much with my family and friends.

What have I been doing all this while?

I don't know. I really don't know...

How come I always feel like I'm off track?

So much things to desire, so little time to realize it.

@@

It's already 4.00am. And I'm still not sleepy yet. @@

Gosh...

Nostalgic Memories

Finally, tomorrow will be the last day of class for this semester. Feel so nice. I used to love going to school when I was in primary till high school. But since I entered university, the passion of going to class has been missing.

The atmosphere is just totally different!

The sense of belonging is not as deep as when I was in school.

Time passes so fast. So fast that sometimes I could not capture those nostalgic memories.

I still remember when I was in Form 2, I told my best friend, "Time passes so fast... I still remember the day when we received our UPSR results... in a blink of an eye and now here we are in Form 2."

When I reached Form 5, admiring those excellent students in STPM, didn't know how the future will be. Again, I told my friend, "Time passes so fast... you see, now we are already in F5, going to graduate soon..."

Then I went through Form 6 and wondered how university life would be.

And now here I am in university. Talked to my friends, "Time passes so fast... In just a blink of an eye, I'm already 21. I'm already an adult. I still remember how we used to live during secondary and high school. The memory is still so fresh. I miss the good old days."

If I could control the time, I would turn back the time and GROW through my life once again not wasting any single minute.

Quiz

Just finished a quiz today which takes up 20% of the overall subject assessment. It was hard!!!! (The effect of last minute study).

Aiksss.... Left 2 more weeks to go before final and here I am still blogging all the way...

Stress??

Don't know how to explain my feeling now...

暗恋

遇见了他，我很高兴。去年第一次见到他时，觉得他很普通。对他没什么感觉。可是当我慢慢认识他后，总觉得他的人很特别。很有才华。人见人爱。我很欣赏他。不知不觉对他有好感。

初恋过后，就没谈恋爱了。在我单身时候，觉得自己很花心。看上很多人，可是没有一次是真正爱过。可能已经忘了爱是如何。

我对他的心情是很模糊的。连我自己都不知道到底我对他的感觉是怎样。有时候看到他会觉得很兴奋。有时候又没有什么感觉。

但是我很清楚的是，他是一个很好的朋友。可能我对他还没有到爱的陈独。可是他以在我心中留下了很深的脚印。这一辈子是不可能会忘记他。

我没有想过会跟他走到另一个level，就是不知是普通朋友。因为他已经有了女朋友。他们俩的感情非常好。我替他们高兴。

喜欢或爱一个人不一定要跟他在一起。有时候，暗恋的感觉都已经是足够了。

Post Mortem

Just now went for 校创 post mortem. There were many things in my mind that I wanted to raise out before this. But when it was my turn to share, I didn't utter much. (Juniors: The so-called fierce senior didn't scold us for the 1st time!)

Yup. I didn't scold them this time. During the past few weeks whenever they had meetings, I would screwed them on the way they work in organizing activities. Messy, unprepared, last minute, blur and all the weaknesses an organizer shouldn't have were clearly portrayed by them. How can I stand all these?? Maybe I have been involved much in my faculty's activities which were carried out effectively and efficiently which makes me can't stand the way they do their work.

Come back to the main issue. Why this time I didn't scold them despite all the messiness and wrongdoings during the event?

I believed they are big enough to know their own mistakes. I believed even if I talk a lot, it is not going to enter their brains. I believed other seniors would have almost the same comments. I believed most of the post mortem carried out wouldn't have strong impact or improvement for the future event. I believed it's better to prevent and solve the problems prior to the event rather than crying over spilt milk.

That's why...

Turn Left? Turn Right?

Balance sheet, EPS, solvency, assets, liabilities, tax, liquidity, depreciation, cash flow statements, FRS, IRB, public ruling, audit, (continued)...........................................................................!!!!!!!!!

AM I GOING TO FACE THIS FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE??

I DOUBT THAT!

Please show me the way...

Malacca Camp

Just came back to UM yesterday noon. Final exam is just in two weeks time and I don't know why am I still blogging here.

But I guess I'm trying to escape from reality that exam is just around the corner.

Anyway, just came back from 大摇 exec meeting just now. It feels nice when all of us work together for one purpose and we are just like a big family.

The theme for next year 大摇 is I~Infinity. We are going to have a Malacca Camp from 21-23 November. And we are going to perform at Jonker on 22 November (Sunday) at 7.30pm. It's an unplugged band performance. Hope all of you who will be in Malacca at that time can come and support us. ^^

梦想成真？

只要我们相信

为什么？

不知道要写什么

很多话要说 却说不出来

很多感想 不知道如何分享

心情很乱

头脑一片空白

有时候觉得自己没有一样是好的

但很多人总是觉得我什么都好

不知道要高兴还是要丧心

突然很想用华语来写出我的心情

认识我的人可能会觉得很奇怪

为什么我会写华语呢？

我虽然不是很会用手写华语

可是我会看

我会拼音 所以我就会type出来咯。。。

Finally Back Home...

Yes, I'm back home! It feels so nice to be home even though is only for 1 day++. Left 2 weeks to final exam. Haven't started anything yet.

Clueless... Don't know where to begin...

Must work hard in these 2 weeks!

The Secret Revealed

Regarding the previous post, I forgot to say something. Actually during last year Xiao Chuang, I have thought to myself before that I'm going to write a song and submit it in the coming Xiao Chuang which is this year which has just passed yesterday. I was determined at that time.

But this year just when Xiao Chuang was around the corner, I only have a song with me and I didn't plan to submit it in the 1st place. Due to lesser song submission this year compared to last year, Yuan Teng asked me to submit and said she would write the lyrics for me. And then the story continued like what I've written in previous posts.

I don't know if you have read a book on "The Secret". In this book, it explained about Law of Attraction. To simplify it, it says that whatever we think of and if we want it and believe we can get it just by the thoughts of our mind, we can finally receive what we want. Be who we want to be. Achieve what we want. Universe will react with our thoughts, just like a magnetic field.

I've tried a few times thinking of something that I want, and it really worked out. However, there were times when it failed.

In this case, for the song competition, I guessed the Universe has answered to my thoughts which were being asked last year.

And because of this, I will do my best in everything, think positively, have faith.

Out of Expectation!

Finally, the song composing competition has just ended yesterday. Out of my expectation, my song got 3rd place.

I don't know want to feel happy or sad. But I just feel I don't deserve it. My song is just a very normal song. Too normal even for a beginner. Is not something special. I can't find any winning point in it.

When submitting my song for preliminary round, I never expect to enter final. And when I knew it entered final, I was happy enough. Just wanted to perform it well in final and never, NEVER even think of getting any prize for this final.

There are so many other songs in final which are better than mine. I just really can't figure out why.

But anyway, this prize does not belong to me alone. Without lyrics, it wouldn't be a song. Without singer, it wouldn't be heard. Without music arrangement, it wouldn't be performed out.

And so I want to say a million thanks to Yuan Teng for writing the lyrics for me, Rachel for singing the song for me, and Stephen for arranging and playing the guitar for me.

And actually after I composed the melody, Yuan Teng modified some blunt tones of mine into more rounded melody.

And I feel that my melody is not original in a sense that I feel like I was imitating many other songs and combined the melody into one and then modified a bit, then became my own song. @@

That's why I don't deserve the prize. I need to learn more. And seriously, although I was happy getting the prize, but I feel more guilty than happy.

There's still a long way for me to go in music path...

最后。。。祝我们快乐

作曲(Composer): Stef

作词(Lyricist): Yuan Teng

最后。。。祝我们快乐

嘿 这次请你听我说

有些困惑 我一直都等不到结果

选择了 放弃的人是我

选择了 不管怕不怕 寂寞

不该出现的难过

不该暗自去猜测你在想什么

我知道 我其实想太多

我知道 我们两都有错

关于这决定 就让我来做

*相信你会明白的

没有爱了 在继续只是附和

没有什么舍不得

做彼此生命的过客

相信你会明白的

有些伤痕 太深不能愈合

我们经过的每一刻

都反复记录着

爱情里的挫折

如果我没有说

只能沉默一拖再拖

不如告一段落

让我们都好过

相信你会明白的

没有爱了 虚有其白的空壳

尽管会有些舍不得

但也许停在这 对我们都好呢

在最后这刻想说

祝我们都快乐

I want to go home...

How long have I not been back home? About 2 weeks. And I will only go back after another 2 weeks. Though 2 weeks or 1 month seems like a 'short' period, but it's long for me especially when I don't get to see my family and how's their condition now. I really miss them.

Sometimes I wonder, what's my purpose in life? What's my purpose of living? I can't seem to find the answer. Humans live and die. It's like a cycle. I'm glad and thankful that my family and I are still alive today. But sometimes the fear of losing someone would somehow plays in my mind. I'm scared.

I've been spending lesser time with my family nowadays. I've been occupied by other things in university like studies and activities. Is this worth? My cousin just called me just now. She told me that my aunt (my secondary mother) is not feeling well recently. Then only I realized I have not been calling home since I was back to UM. *guilty*

I called my aunt just now to ask how is she. All she said to me was to take good care of myself. I know she really cares for me. After we hang up, I cried. I don't know why tears suddenly just burst out like that. I think I'm too emotional recently. Serious. I have to learn to control.

My life's journey is not easy, I know...

What's in my mind?

I miss the good old days...

The Life of A 2nd Year Student

Just finished with Charity Fair 2009. Left two more visits to go before Charity Project 2009 officially ends. Feel like half of the burden has been removed from my back. It is so much lighter than before. =) Though becoming a programme head is stressful and not easy, I learnt a lot.

But my activities just didn't stop here. Now have to focus on MASC. A much bigger event, national level. Feel excited though now is the busiest time for us, publicity team. We are happy to get participation from students from all over Malaysia. =)

MASC is not the only one. On the other hand, I have a concert to organize. It's called DAYAO. The biggest chinese community event in UM after PTUM. So, what type of concert is this? All songs that will be performed in this concert are composed by UM students. It's a platform to discover talented students, a chance for them to perform. It will be held next year February, but the preparation has started since early this semester. This coming DAYAO's theme is I~Infinity. We open this concert to everyone who is interested to watch! =)

Don't Worry

I'm fine.

Pain in the heart

I'm hurt!

I don't know how to describe this...

Since 2 days ago, my room mate started not talking to me. I don't know what happen.

I asked her, she was reluctant to answer.

Then I thought it is better for me to remain silent.

Until now, she's still isn't talking to me.

And at this hour, she's reluctant to come back room.

Dear SE: I don't know what I've done, but if you don't like to talk to me, it's fine. If you think staying in the same room will make you feel uneasy, then it's fine. You can choose another friend to be your room mate. You decide. I will respect every decision of yours.